Crucial Conversations at Work

When visiting with an employee the other day, he described his fear as feeling like he would be “shot in the face” if he dared raise an issue with a kindly 60-year-old lady he worked with. In most organizations, I see over and over again a paralyzing fear of crucial conversations. These conversations seem dangerous, because they might cause an emotional outburst, make us look bad, or cause us to be fired, demoted or estranged.

Let me clarify. We will talk about the issue for sure, just not to the person that can actually do anything about it. We all have a list of conversations we avoid, in order to save ourselves from the potential explosion. The dysfunction here is that the avoided crucial conversations are the only remedy for the situations that cause an organization to bleed. These conversations need to happen the most. However, much like avoiding the discussion of sensitive topics in a marriage, we simply learn to live with an elephant in the room as though it is not there. Do we want the situation solved? Yes. Will we face the risk of starting the conversation? Most times, no.

Here is a list of crucial conversations I typically run into:

1 – The Emperor Has No Clothes – Something we are being asked to do is plain wrong, or that the current corporate strategy does not make sense. But to actually address this with management could bruise egos and get us fired.

2 – Your Performance is Not Acceptable – We can see clearly that someone is not pulling their weight, but to actually share that in a positive way and call them to be accountable is simply too scary.

3 – I Need Help – You own an important role in the success of the company and know you are in over your head. But to ask for help would look bad.

4 – We are Not on Track to Reach Goals – Things simply are not working, and the team is not going to hit targets. You know adjustments have to be made, but a miracle could come along so you just stay quiet.

5 – Something is Wrong Here – The team dynamics are terrible, people hate working here, they feel abused, and they spend 50% of their time looking for another job, but to actually say that out loud to anyone that can change something is just too dangerous.

So, how can we stop the bleeding that comes from this basic breakdown of communications? The responsibility lies with every single one of us. We all play a role in communicating what needs to be said, and we all have the potential of being good examples. You choose whether to whine and complain about an issue at the water cooler with all the people that cannot fix the problem, or you can schedule a time to address it with the person that can solve it. Leaders must step up and state clearly that opinions, feedback and questions are encouraged. Furthermore, they must demonstrate this by holding meetings where large groups can see that it is safe to raise even previously dangerous topics. Leaders must lead by example and be willing to have tough conversations with team members that are out of line. Sam Walton had a practice of going to one of his stores and interviewing all levels of team members with a simple question, “What is the most stupid thing we have asked you to do this week?” Then he acted on what he was told. This brilliant improvement technique demonstrated to his people that it was OK to raise tough topics in order to improve. It also taught them that there was no retribution for pointing to something that was broken.

Now, let’s personalize this conversation… Stop reading and think of the one crucial conversation you most need to have in your life.

Did you do it? If not, you have to ask yourself if you are one of the few that is willing to be a leader, or the many that continue to avoid what really needs to be said. At the end of the day, it takes real courage to start a tough conversation and make progress. The truth of the matter is, if you do not have these crucial conversations, your organization will not grow. And if your company is not growing, it is not healthy. So it is up to you to create an open environment that will reap the long-term benefits of a profitable organization. Do you have that courage? If not, you can always settle for dysfunction and blame it on someone else.

The statistics on workforce engagement are shocking. According to the Gallup Management Journal's semi-annual Employee Engagement Index:

“Conflict at work costs employers 450 days management time every year.”

The report, Managing conflict at work, was written by Imogen Haslam and Ben Willmott, CIPD Employee Relations adviser.