By Leslie Holdcroft

 Mentoring is one of the oldest stories in the world, and the source of much legend and inspiration. In times of uncertainty or when looking for deeper education, people have always turned to those wiser and more advanced to lead the way. Alexander the Great had Aristotle. Aristotle had Plato. Plato had Socrates. Socrates had . . . well, the man had a lot of questions, and that, in the mind of history, made him an extraordinary teacher.

Call it coaching. Call it counseling. Call it consulting. Or don't even pin it down with a name, but mentoring is an essential element of the non-egotistical CEO. Submitting to the scrutiny and guidance of another keeps the powerful from using their power to serve their own ego desires. Likewise, it is a step toward dealing with the it's-lonely-at-the-top phenomenon. The friendships that come from strong mentoring relationships are just as important as the guidance received.

In this first part in a series on mentoring, we will look not at receiving mentoring, but at those who give it. Different mentors take different approaches to the discipline, so it's important to understand what you want before committing to a relationship. Some of the state's most experienced mentors shared their perspectives on mentoring with Washington CEO.

Mentoring by the Socratic Method
Happiness is a choice. We cannot always control our outside stimuli, but we can control our reactions to them, says Dave Tully, consultant. "Beliefs drive our feelings, and it's through attitude that we can sabotage ourselves. What's your intention in work? Do you want to be peaceful, centered, and living in the moment?"

Tully's clients include private companies and individuals he meets through Seattle University's MBA mentoring program. He meets them one-on-one, approaching with a nonjudgmental attitude from "a place of love and peace." The work can be challenging, because, as most mentoring experts will tell you, business life is a reflection of personal life. Tully has had many dramatic encounters. "It doesn't matter to me if they're talking about something as drastic as suicide-and I've actually had that happen twice. What does matter is that I completely meet them where they are."

Tully uses a method perhaps influenced by Socrates, asking many, many questions. The goal is clarity. "We are belief-driven animals. Everything is about stimulus-belief-response. Through questioning, I find out what their beliefs are and why they're holding onto them. I talk with them. I affirm them. Everyone is doing the best they can at every given moment, sometimes acting in the way they feel they need to protect themselves.

"We find out: ÔWhere's that belief coming from? Why are you feeling that way?' ÔBut that happened yesterday,' I might say, Ôand this is today. What's that frustration about, because, well, you know, it causes problems.' Finally, we dig out the belief, and I say: ÔIs that useful?' If the answer is no, then you can say, ÔI don't have to have this belief anymore.' I can get them close to a potential solution. We look at what they want to do and what it will take to do it. Mostly, it's about getting clarity. I don't believe people need to be fixed. They're as fixed as they want to be in the moment."

Tully worked as a traditional manager until 1985, when he began exploring other methods. He attended the Option Institute in the Berkshires, and founded a program called Management with Dignity based on Jesus Christ's Golden Rule of treating others as we hope to be treated. Sometimes, he's found, this means letting go. "We want to be a catalyst to help all employees be successful, and we know their skills could outgrow us, or we could outgrow them," he notes.

There is one cardinal rule, Tully says: "Focus on what you want." And it's through life, he says, that we learn what not to do to keep us out of trouble.

And then, like a true philosopher, Tully adds, "I don't have answers, but questions. The more I learn, the more I don't know."

Mentoring for character development
Leadership, maturity, and courage. These are the qualities stressed by Bonnie K. Hagemann, consultant and author of an upcoming book on business ethics called Character of Excellence.

She coaches individuals to be true to their word. To deliver on their promises. To strive for excellence as a way to enjoy the life they want and to progress in the business world. To influence others with the same commitment. Ultimately, a character of excellence acts as a shield to deflect negativity, she observes. Interviewed just days after the attacks on New York City and Washington, D.C., Hagemann wanted most to talk about continuing to strive toward excellence in such a time.

"We can use these events to rise up, pursue excellence, and perhaps find meaning in our work where it was absent before," Hagemann says. "America and Americans need professionals to rise to the occasion and exude leadership. Like the parent who must be strong for the rest of the family in the wake of a great tragedy, professionals can take the intense training that they have and turn it to leadership, maturity, and courage."

There are times, including the present, when true character shines. "It is an honor and a charge that others are looking to the business world to see how it reacts. Americans are watching," Hagemann says. "If businessmen and -women maintain faith in flying, other will fly. If businessmen and -women maintain faith in the stock market, others will invest. If businessmen and -women get up every day and press forward, others will follow."

It's all about one quality, she says: maturity.

Mentoring for relational health
Ultimately, there are no skills exclusive to business; everything relates to personal relationships, says Howard Lieberman, consultant and chairman of The Executive Committee (TEC) in Washington, an organization of CEOs and for CEOs.

"For some CEOs, the biggest problem they have is not company earnings or new expansions, but their relationships with their secretaries," says Lieberman, a former CEO who offers private consulting for CEOs.

People skills-and the need for them-are as old as humanity itself. After years of coaching CEOs and running his own businesses, Lieberman has some surprising insights. He believes CEOs are lonely, isolated, and often struggling to operate as they make their decisions in a vacuum. "Everyone has an agenda with a CEO," Lieberman explains. With the TEC group, CEOs come together as peers from different industries and knowledge bases. They brainstorm to help answer each other's hardest questions.

"The way we were raised makes a great impression," Lieberman explains. "When we have a feeling that something is positive or negative, it's often because we felt that at home." To change that around, "I ask a million questions. I role-play. I script them.

"A mentor is someone who accepts whatever you do at face value. When I found mentors and learned they accepted me for who I was, it was like ÔAh,'" he says, letting out a generous exhale.

More tips: Learn continuously to stay current, and cultivate vulnerability. "If you're not open and vulnerable, people are not as interested in staying around and doing business," Lieberman says. On the other hand, everybody wants to see things work. "At bottom, we are optimists," he says. "We want to believe someone will keep their word."

Mentoring the disciplines
To Pat Vache, former CEO of Ryan Instruments, there are five disciplines to cultivate: (1) personal mastery, or becoming the creator of your own life; (2) using mental models to achieve desired results; (3) discovering and honoring shared values within the team; (4) emphasizing team learning; and (5) systems thinking, or understanding that things operate within systems.

Vache used sources as diverse as Betty Edwards' art book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain and Vermont-based consultant/trainer/author Robert Fritz to create an environment at Ryan Instruments that emphasized continuous learning. Employees devoted two hours a week to the five disciplines, and the program-called Ryan 2000-left a positive influence on the company, he says. "We always feel like we're learning," he says from his Woodinville office.

In developing mentors, the company felt they were basically coaches. "Mentors have the ability to stay out of the way," Vache explains. "They give others the space to do their own thing. They are behind the [scene], rather than in the front."

Mentors serve as an excellent touchstone, says Vache, who has mentoring relationships that can last years. "Mentors are trusted advisers." The relationship can be very positive on both sides, he concludes. "For the mentor, there can be a certain joy in helping in the maturing process of another individual."

Lesley Holdcroft is a Seattle-area freelance writer.

Reprinted with permission: Copyright © 1994-2001 Washington CEO Inc.